just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
