Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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