Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
