Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
