Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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