I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
