I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Randomize
