Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
