i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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