The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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