i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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