I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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