my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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