It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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