If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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