The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
you would pick up someone in the library
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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