If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You are the jesus of drinking
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
