Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
