i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
