He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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