Pappa wants mamma naked
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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