The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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