I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
