Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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