Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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