I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
