??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
