Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
