Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
