I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
