Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
