The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I want her autograph on my taint
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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