I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Reggie can tackle my bush.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
