a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
