Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
