Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
