I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
