I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
