On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
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