i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
