He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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