we have pet lesbian snakes
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.