Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor