My first STD was from a foam party
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...