I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
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Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
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I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days