Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Is Oprah even human