I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
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Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
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We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.