cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.