You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
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I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
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You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital