I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
