is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
