Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
How external is "for external use only"?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
