So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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