Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
