I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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