I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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