Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
why is half of my head shaved?
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