The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
