if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Come on in and take your pants off
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