So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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