All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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