You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
