Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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