Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
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