Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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