Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize