You just made me feel so damn special
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
