the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Randomize
