and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
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I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
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He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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