So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
