She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
