In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Randomize
